inspiration

Yeah these girls... remember when that song "come on over...come on over baby..." god i wanted to look like christina agulara in that video.  

Weight: 162.5

just saying.

I cheated today.  I was so busy in the garden that I was starving... And I still had one frozen dinner left in the freezer that I knew mom wanted me to eat eventually.  It isn't vegan but needed to be gotten rid of.  That was the last one though.  And Josh and I are back together.  He is coming over tonight so we can work on our relationship.  I'll give him pasta with the rest of the alfredo sauce so mom doesn't make me eat it.  I need to grocery shop so that I can have more of a variety.
Today I ate:

breakfast:  cereal and almond milk
Lunch:  salad (mixed greens, cucumber, tomato, avocado, olive oil), and whole wheat pasta with vegetable margarine.
Dessert:  cantaloupe
Snack:  half of a wheat bagel with veg margarine.
Dinner:  6 fake chicken nuggets with honey
Late dinner:  lean cuisine

Ok

I haven't weighed myself, again.  I've been bad, but I have been Vegan.  Just a fat vegan.  Today I ate:

breakfast:  cereal and almond milk
Snack:  small amount of pretzels and a little honey (i'm weird)
Lunch:  Salad (mixed greens, tomato, cucumber, avocado, olive oil), whole wheat pasta and vegetable margarine.
Snack:  green olives, some pretzels.
Dinner:  steamed vegetables, 6 fake "chicken" nuggets and honey.
Snack:  banana

and... still hungry :/

I will weigh tomorrow.  I won't like it.  I'm probably 165.  I hope not.  fuck.

VEGAN

I'm not going to eat animal products anymore.  I've always wanted to go vegan but I would fail because id buy these replacement items...like fake cheese and shit...that tastes like crap.  I'm going to do just natural stuff...whole wheat pasta and good olive oils, whole grains, nuts and seeds, fruits and vegetables, beans and lentils, tea, and herbs.  I'll feel better and I can stop feeling like a hypocrite.  The way animals are treated on farms is not only inhumane, but very unhealthy.  My cholesterol is already high.  And I think I will lose weight this way too.  I'll be sure to pick up some vitamin B12 and B6.

Weight: 162.5

With everything i've been eating, i'm actually surprised i don't weigh more.  But I need to keep posting my weight, to keep me accountable.  My back can't take this weight anymore, I'm like a size D.  This new hot weather should keep me from getting so hungry...
My workouts have been good.  They are super hard; I even sweat once i'm out of the shower and my ears ring.  I have to move my cat out of the way sometimes when i'm working out.  She just likes to do what i' doing.  she even stretches out while i'm stretching and lays out while i'm sunbathing... :}

Time to study for stupid business law.

i AM PRETTY AND I CAN FIND SOMEONE ELSE

This is what i'm going to eat every day:

Breakfast:  under 100 cal cereal plus 40 cal almond milk.

Lunch:  sandwhich= orowheat bread, 1/4 avocado, sprouts, 6 slices lean turkey meat, 2% milk American cheese slice.  with a side of a tomato and cucumber (when available).

Dessert:  chocolate almond

Snack:  half of a whole wheat bagel and margarine.

Dinner:  bowl of veggies with only seasonings + 1 cup of whole wheat pasta and spaghetti sauce OR a frozen healthy dinner (with nothing but parmesan cheese added).

                                                                          Dessert:  chocolate almond

                                                                           Snack:  1 apple + 2 cups of tea

Sounds like a lot, but for me, its not.  its enough to keep my metabolism going and to get down to my goal weight.  I just need to make it a habit so i stop thinking about what my next meal will be.

Goals

Short term:
1.  go over the books with my parents:  finances, medical, etc.
2.  Stop talking to Josh.
3.  Work for my aunt doing event planning.
4.  Quit drinking, forever.
5.  Do body rock workouts every day
6.  Graduate college (next month)

Medium term:  
1.  move into my own little place with a girl roommate.
2.  meet the man of my dreams
3.  make more girlfriends
4.  buy food from humane farms.
5.  create a new wardrobe full of cloths for my "summer" personal season (i'm ash hair with more pale skin).
6.  weigh 120 ibs
7.  get a tan.
8.  grow out my hair really long.

Long term:  
1.  Open my cake business.
2.  Buy a house, and make it so beautiful
3.  Have a baby
4.  get married
5.  visit Maldives

did the workout again this morning.  I'm in bad shape.  here's what I ate:

breakfast:  cereal
Lunch:  whole wheat pasta and fredo
dessert:  chocolate almond
Snack:  granola bar
Dinner:  frozen dinner and vegetables
dessert:  chocolate almond

not great. oh well. i'm depressed still. i wish i had the depression that kept me from eating. I have the opposite.

broke up with Josh. Ate everything all day.  I'll start the bodyrock when i'm ready.  I'm going to pretend like i'm not alive today.

Body Rock

I'm gunna do the 30 day Bodyrock challenge.  And it says January but obviously its not, i start today:

Day 1, week 1:  Jan 2:  http://www.bodyrock.tv/2012/01/02/day-1-of-our-30-day-challenge-fit-test/

Day 2, week 1:  Jan 3:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=harhKlvKv-4&feature=related

Day 3, week 1:  Jan 4:  http://www.bodyrock.tv/2012/01/04/day-3-of-the-30-day-challenge-international-love-workout/

Day 4, week 1:  Jan 5:  http://www.bodyrock.tv/2012/01/05/day-4-of-our-30-day-challenge-wish-you-would-workout/

Day 5, week 1:  Jan 6:  http://www.bodyrock.tv/2012/01/06/day-5-of-our-30-day-challenge-i-wont-give-up-workout/

Day 1, week 2:  Jan 9:  http://www.bodyrock.tv/2012/01/09/week-2-day-one-of-our-30-day-challenge-turn-me-on/

Day 2, Week 2:  Jan 10:  http://www.bodyrock.tv/2012/01/10/day-2-of-week-2-of-the-30-day-challenge-domino-workout/

Day 3, week 2:  Jan 11:  http://www.bodyrock.tv/2012/01/11/day-3-week-2-of-the-30-day-challenge-wild-ones-workout/

Day 4, week 2:  Jan 12:  http://www.bodyrock.tv/2012/01/12/day-4-week-2-of-the-30-day-challenge-bringing-sexy-back-workout/

Day 5, week 2:  Jan 13:  http://www.bodyrock.tv/2012/01/13/day-5-week-2-of-the-30-day-challenge-blue/

Day 1, week 3:  Jan 16:  http://www.bodyrock.tv/2012/01/16/day-1-week-3-fitness-test-2-seans-chest-and-triceps-workout/

Day 2, week 3:  Jan 17:  http://www.bodyrock.tv/2012/01/18/day-2-week-3-of-the-30-day-challenge-hot-right-now-workout/

Day 3, week 3:  Jan 18:  http://www.bodyrock.tv/2012/01/18/day-3-week-3-of-the-30-day-challenge/

Day 4, week 3:  Jan 19:  http://www.bodyrock.tv/2012/01/19/day-4-week-3-of-the-30-day-challenge-breaking-dawn-workout/

Day 5, week 3:  Jan 20:  http://www.bodyrock.tv/2012/01/20/day-5-week-3-of-the-30-day-challenge-the-fast-the-furious-800-rep-workout/

Day 1, week 4:  Jan 23:  http://www.bodyrock.tv/2012/01/23/weel-4-day-1-of-the-30-challenge-rockstar-booty-workout/

Day 2, week 4:  Jan 24: http://www.bodyrock.tv/2012/01/24/day-2-week-4-of-the-30-day-challenge-strip-the-fear-workout/

Day 3, Week 4: Jan 25:  http://www.bodyrock.tv/2012/01/25/day-3-week-4-of-the-30-day-challenge-what-doesnt-kill-you-workout/

Day 4, week 4:  Jan 26:  http://www.bodyrock.tv/2012/01/26/day-4-week-4-the-30-day-challenge-stronger-workout/

Day 5, week 4:  Jan 27:  http://www.bodyrock.tv/2012/01/27/day-5-week-4-of-the-30-day-challenge-do-it-now-fit-test-workout/

my biggest problem is hunger.  Since i'm at such a high weight, i'm always so hungry... my body wants me to keep eating like a fat person.  I try to drink water, and take fiber, and tea...but my stomach can't be fooled so easily.  I guess I just need to trick myself by eating a little bit less each day.  Today I ate so much.  Tomorrow will be better.  Will just do weight watchers.  I want to find a good work out routine.  Something that literally tones every muscle in my body.  Something that I can see results with...

going to start over

Going to start my diet over.

Weight: IDK

I'm afraid to weigh myself.  I'm visiting Josh and yesterday I ate wayyyy too much.
I ate:

yogurt
granola bar
mini hot pocket
nachos!!!
half a box of pasta roni

yeah.  fuck the scale today lol but at least I'm with my boyfriend ...

Vegetarian Again?

I think i'm going to go vegetarian... I started yesterday but totally forgot about it when I ate that hot pocket lol.  When I was a vegetarian years ago I was pretty thin.  I think it will help.  Plus, i'm totally against factory farming... I would so be vegan if i wasn't such a lover of cheese.  I need to find out where I can purchase food from humane farms...

Weight: 160

Yesterday I ate:

Breakfast:  cereal
Snack:  granola bar
Lunch:  taco bell bean burrito (god it was delicious)
Dinner:  ummm... a scrap of josh's pizza crust?  lol

I'm starving today.  already had a yogurt, a granola bar, and a mini hot pocket.  and it isn't even noon yet...

Weight: 161

ughhhhhhh get me out of the 160s.....

I miss thin me :(

162.5

Last night I ate more than what i said...after i posted I ate a scrap of bread with margarine on it. then i ate some of an artichoke with a teaspoon of mayo.  Honestly, i think if I took a shit i'd weigh a lot less.  lol.  ok today is a weight watchers day for sure.

Update:

Today I ate:

Breakfast:  1 cup cereal and a tiny bit of almond milk = 1pt
Lunch:  whole wheat pasta and margarine= 4pt
Dessert:  chocolate almond = 1pt
Snack:  granola bar = 2pt
Dinner:  1 slice pizza = 7pt
And Then:  frozen "smart one" dinner = 5pt

Total = 20/20 pts

Thank you dad for offering me pizza.  that was a lot of points for barely anything to fill me up and keep me full. But it is my fault.  And i've been hungry all day.  Hungrier than I have been in weeks.  Maybe it is the shitty weather.  Maybe I was bored today.  I was going to work out a few times....but mom was sleeping so didn't want to make noise. then i got stuck watching family guy on tv.  excuses.  Well, hopefully tomorrow will be better.   Kinda doubt it though... I'm going to be in the car with my parents on the way to see Josh.  and we are stopping at a taco bell. and if i don't eat "enough" i know mom will have a fit.  It is just shitty being at this weight.  How/why did I let myself get here in the first place?

Weight: 162

Damnit, why must my weight always go up before it goes down???

Today I ate:

breakfast:  fiber granola bar
Lunch:  whole wheat pasta, a little bit of margarine and parmasan cheese
Dessert:  peppermint patty
Dinner:  5 fake chicken nuggets and cottage cheese
snack:  apple

exercise:  yoga.

mom thinks i'm on a starvation diet.  I'm just trying to lose as much weight as i can as fast as I can.  I'm tired of weighing so much.  I want to be thin again.  I want to fit into my old cloths... i'm tired of wearing my boyfriends sweater because I refuse to shop for larger sizes.  I'm really hungry right now.  Tomorrow I will skip dessert and eat a snack between lunch and dinner so i'm not so darn hungry at night.

Weight 161

Yay!! Happy Easter
Update:

breakfast/lunch:  fallafel from farmers market
Snack:  apple
Snack 2:  fiber bar
Dinner:  whole wheat pasta/cottage cheese with 2 slices bacon (yeah).
Dessert:  a peppermint patty i ate progressively throughout the day.

not the perfect day, but its easter.  could have been worse...

Be Patient

a groan of tedium escapes me startling the fearful.  Is this a test?  It has to be.  Otherwise I can't go on.  draining patience, draining vitality.

But i'm still, right here, giving blood, keeping faith.  and i'm still right here. wait it out.  Gonna wait it out.  be patient.  If there were no rewards to reap, no loving embrace to see me through this tedious path i've chosen here, i certainly would have walked away by now.  Gonna wait it out.

Today I ate:

Breakfast:  1 slice of sourdough bread with a little butter and 1 slice of bacon  5pt
Lunch:  whole wheat pasta with a tiny bit of margarine 3 pts
Snack:  fiber bar 2pts
Dinner:  veggies with some alfredo sauce 1 pt + frozen dinner 5pts
1 chocolate almond 1pt

Total:  17/20 pts

exercise:  walk

Weight: 163

Dear scale,
 you are supposed to show numbers getting lower, not higher.  you are fired.

Weight: 162.5

So in two weeks I have lost 5.5 Ibs.  That isn't great for the weight that I'm at.  But I'm happy to have lost that pound last night.  I hope to be out of the 60s soon.

UPDATE:
Went to work today from 11AM to 9:30 PM.

I ate:
Breakfast:  2 ww waffles with nothing on them
Lunch:  a little bit of whole wheat pasta with a tiny bit of margarine
Dinner:  frozen dinner
Snack:  4 fake chicken nuggets and cottage cheese

ate my snack kinda late (after i got off wk) so i might not lose weight tomorrow :(

weight: 163.5

I kicked the scale this morning i was so mad.  Fuckin A.  If it is so hard to lose weight at this weight then how hard will it be when i'm at a lower weight??? FINE i'll do weight watchers.  So pissed off.

UPDATE:
today i ate:

breakfast:  cherrios (2pt) + a little almond milk (0pt)
Lunch:  whole wheat pasta (3pt) + margarine (1pt) + a small slice of sourdough bread (2 pt)
Dessert:  1 chocolate almond (1 pt)
Snack:  fiber bar (2pt)
Snack 2:  whole wheat bread slice + margarine (2pt)
Dinner:  vegetables with a little alfredo sauce (1pt) + frozen dinner (5pt)

Total points:  19 out of 20

Exercise:  walk

Weight: 164

If counting calories doesn't lose me a pound by tomorrow morning then i'm going to try weight watchers.

Update: what i ate

breakfast:  2 whole wheat eggo waffles and no sugar added preserves
Lunch:  whole wheat pasta and cottage cheese
Dessert:  1 chocolate almond
Dinner:  6 fake chicken nuggets with honey
snack 1:  small apple
snack 2:  200 calorie popcorn + 1 chocolate almond

exercise:  yoga and walk

Didn't Weigh

didn't weigh myself this morning cuz i started my period.  And I ate bad today.
Breakfast:  2 waffles and preserves
Lunch:  baked tortilla chips and swiss cheese...meleted on the chips...yes nachos
Snack:  apple
Snack 2:  half bagel and margarine
Dinner: 4 fake chicken nuggets and cottage cheese
Dessert:  2 chocolate almonds
Snack:  popcorn.

ate a lot cuz we spent like 3 and a half hours doing some heavy yard work.  I hope i don't gain weight cuz of all i ate tho....

Ok tomorrow. For sure.  Going to count calories on my ipod.

Weight: 164.5

Today I ate:
Breakfast:  2 waffles and preserves
Lunch:  small bowl of whole wheat pasta with a little margarine.
Dessert:  1 chocolate almond
Snack:  half a bagel and margarine
Dinner:  1 pork chop on mashed potatoes and some gravy.  Not a big portion.
Snack:  1 small apple
Snack 2:  small bowl of cheerios cereal

I think i did pretty good.  I had the snacks at night cuz i ate my dinner at like 5:20 ish. which is pretty early.

Weight: 165

Fuck. So gained half a pound.  Which means I need to get on track... today I counted calories using "lose it" app on ipod.  Today I ate 1373 cal, minus a 45 minute fast walk, so net of 1208 cal.

Breakfast:  Whole grain waffles with 1/2 serving preserves = 187 + 25 cal

Lunch:  bowl full of whole wheat egg noodles with 1 tbsp margarine = 400 + 50 cal

Dessert:  strawberries = 53 cal

Snack:  Half a bagel with margarine = 130 + 25 cal

Dinner:  Kashi frozen dinner + 1/3 serving cottage cheese = 290 cal + 40 cal

Dessert:  1 chocolate almond = 18 cal

(Took a 45 minute fast walk)

Snack:  whole grain chips (the scraps):  80 cal

Snack 2:  tea and light whipped cream = 75 cal

Tomorrow might be difficult because my class starts at my dinner time (6:30).  So I need to eat a light dinner sooner and then have a snack after class...

I wish my weight loss would come faster... I thought that just not binging every day would cause me to lose massive amounts of weight quickly.  I guess not. But at least my appetite isn't totally out of control anymore.