New Years

My New Years resolution is to quit drinking and smoking completely.  I have 6 months to prepare my body for pregnancy.  I also want to lose 20 Ibs. 

My plan is: 
Eat at least 2 cups of fruit and 3 cups of vegetables every day.
Only eat whole grains.
Only eat low fat dairy products.
No meat.
Only 1 chocolate a day and no other sweets.

I'm going to eat no more than 300 calories every three hours.  I'm going to work out for at least 20 min a day (to get myself started).  I will do 100 squats every other day.  I'm going to start this and my eating routine tomorrow... after new years I will stop with the drinking and smoking.  I'm just going to slow it down a bit for now. 

Im back!  My lowest weight this year was 138.5 but im pretty sure im back to 145. Thats why im here.

Weight: 153.5

how this happened... i don't know but i'm pleasantly surprised.  hiking this morning for sure

Weight: 155 Ibs

I need to stay on track.  Its difficult when I work 14 hours a day sometimes.. but I need to do this... I want to be a size 7 again!  I want guys to look at me and fall over themselves.  I want to wear nice cloths.. and i want to feel good about myself.  So ..

Breakfast:  cereal
Lunch:  bean and rice burrito (I went vegetarian)
Snack:  light string cheese and wheat thins
Dinner:  vegetables and "smart one" or "lean cuisine"
Snack:  100 calorie smart pop

fill up on fruits and veg

ok... go

I'm a mess. I broke up with Ryan.  I've been going all day eating about 300 calories and then binging at the end of the day.  THATS a way to get fat.  But at least I know i can go all day on so little food. So i just need to eat less at the end of the day also. What if i tried just 3 bites of food every ... 2 hours?  so like
8:00 3 bits
11:00 3 bites
2:00 3 bites
5:00 3 bites
8:00 3 bites
11:00 3 bites

at least then i feel like i'm eating a lot and it would keep my metabolism up. I'll try it tomorrow. so tired of being fat. guys treat me like shit.

Weight: 161

At least I didn't gain weight after my binges.  OK here we go.  New diet:

Breakfast:  low calorie cereal (such as special K).
Lunch:  salad
Snack:  half wheat bagel with margarine
Dinner:  whatever I can fit into my small red bowl

And...as many fruits/veg as I want.

Ryan slept over two days in a row.  We had a good time together... he's less quiet.  He says i'm easy to talk to.  And I really, really...really....like him...   He's a deputy btw.. so real handcuffs :)

me at wk. I love the lighting in their bathroom....

Weight: 161

back to the old 160s.  serves me right...i've been very bad for a long while. I'm surprised that number isn't higher.  Not anymore...I'm going to hold myself accountable on this blog.
So I think Ryan does like me...he certainly does show it.  He just doesn't talk a lot...but he said he feels comfortable with me without having to talk a lot.  I guess that's how he is.  It makes me feel more comfortable knowing i'm not being judged for not talking so much...because i'm quiet too.  He's lucky he's cute...tall... mature.. and other things... :)  And...Josh went on a date last night.  I haven't heard from him since...although it is only 7 AM.  If nothing else at least he is distracted.  I hope he finds someone. I know its quite a loss for me..but we continued to break up for a reason.  A great smile and fun personality ...and how he loves me...sometimes doesn't make up for the fact that I just can't respect him anymore.  That's a big one.

I'm not sure what to eat for breakfast.  All of the cereals we have have too many weight watchers points.  Eggs have no fiber and thus, lots of weight watchers points.  I just want food food...screw breakfast.  But still too many points.  Its hard to control my eating when I have work... not that I eat a lot at work but I definitely feel like eating everything in the house after work.  Just so tired and hungry.  Not sure what to do about that.  And FYI, I work at a bakery. But I don't eat the product...thank god I'm not a huge sweet fan.  If it was a pizza place i'd be fucked.  mmmmmmmm....pizzza...
Ugh Ryan.  He is so cute.  And so sexy.  Did I mention he can sing?  REALLY well.  And I can't sing... I bet he sang with his last gf.  See these are the thoughts that make girls go nuts. Just...chill.

I don't know

I don't know if Ryan actually likes me. i'm pretty sure he would like me a ton more if i was thin.  I know he would be head over heels for me.  But i'm always fucking eating too much.  I haven't been exercising.  I'm just lazy and fat and I don't want to be around anyone.  He's just so quiet around me.  I want to disappear for a while.  I don't want anyone to see me until I look perfect. I wish i had never met Ryan.  And I wish that Josh was the right one...because I know he loves me.  I feel lost.  I'm getting old... I need to find the right guy and be thin and have that honeymoon and settle down and have a child.  I'm just going in circles.

Weight: 158.5

Weight: 159

I know I haven't posted and i've been bad.  But at least I am out of the 60s.  It took me forever just to weigh myself, i've been so busy with finals.  I'm going to try and post more often to keep myself on the right path. oh And i met someone else... check it out... and he's absolutely perfect for me in every way. its absolutely incredible.  and hes crazy about me! (P.S.  not me in those photos)  another reason why i have been too busy to post!!

Weight: 160

Weight: 161

i'm getting out of the 160s this week.  before the 12th.  Watch me.

Weight: 162

Today I ate:
breakfast:  cereal
Lunch:  Salad
Snack:  half a bagel with margarine
Dinner:  vegetables and 6 fake chicken nuggets with honey
Fruits:  some of a mango, an apple, and a banana

weight: 162.5

weight not nearly as bad as i thought.  today I ate:

breakfast:  cereal
Lunch:  salad
Snack:  half bagel and margarine
Dinner:  personal pan pizza ...mmmm
dessert:  piece of chocolate that I wasn't supposed to have...damnit mom

ummm....next time....try not to do the chocolate and try to go for a healthier dinner lol

i ate dinner late cuz i was starving after work

today I ate:
breakfast:  2 ww waffles and margarine
lunch:  salad
snack:  half bagel and margarine + strawberries
Dinner:  6 fake chicken nuggets with honey.
also snacked on a slice of orange cheese and a few pretzels and a chocolate almond......and an apple


I didn't do so well i think i lack motivation.  I'm going to weigh in tomorrow.  please don't judge me i might be back where i started.  but i think posting my weight is the only thing that will keep me motivated to keep losing weight.

I think what I need to succeed is a diet that I can do and can look forward to.  something i can do for the rest of my life.  and i've been thin before and i know what i ate.  so this is what its gunna be:

breakfast:  any kind of healthy cereal and almond milk
Lunch:  salad with any kind of dressing I want
Snack:  one serving of something whole wheat, with lightly spread margarine
Dunner:  anything, as long as it is 1 serving

as many fruits and vegetables as I would like.  Okay to add some fat with vegetables (helps with digestion).  Drink lots of fluids, water, tea, fiber, etc.  move as much as I want.

It sounds like i'm giving in, but yo yo dieting doesn't work.  You eat nothing one day and too much the next.  it screws up your metabolism and makes you gain whenever you eat anything.  So I need to eat often, take in fewer calories than I need, but take in enough to control my hunger.  Also I need to be satisfied enough and not feel like i'm being deprived.  Thats why i can have whatever I want for dinner.  So this diet can work wherever I go.  plus, where can you eat that doesn't offer a salad??  so i think this is a good diet for me.  No more excuses.  Alcohol is out, and I've binged for long enough.  One day I won't miss it anymore.

Yesterday I turned on the shower and threw up a little. Mom discovered me doing it and of course she freaked out.  Its like shes been waiting for me to throw up and I finally did and of course she was there listening in.  Whatever... It didn't really work anyway.  I tried the salt water tactic.  Its just gross.  New Diet plan:

breakfast:  all bran cereal
Lunch:  salad
Snack:  whole wheat bagel half or other serving of whole wheat bread
Dinner:  little dinner

Eat a lot of fruits and vegetables.

Drinking is evil.  I want to be the thin girl in her flowy dress in her pretty garden...

inspiration

Yeah these girls... remember when that song "come on over...come on over baby..." god i wanted to look like christina agulara in that video.  

Weight: 162.5

just saying.

I cheated today.  I was so busy in the garden that I was starving... And I still had one frozen dinner left in the freezer that I knew mom wanted me to eat eventually.  It isn't vegan but needed to be gotten rid of.  That was the last one though.  And Josh and I are back together.  He is coming over tonight so we can work on our relationship.  I'll give him pasta with the rest of the alfredo sauce so mom doesn't make me eat it.  I need to grocery shop so that I can have more of a variety.
Today I ate:

breakfast:  cereal and almond milk
Lunch:  salad (mixed greens, cucumber, tomato, avocado, olive oil), and whole wheat pasta with vegetable margarine.
Dessert:  cantaloupe
Snack:  half of a wheat bagel with veg margarine.
Dinner:  6 fake chicken nuggets with honey
Late dinner:  lean cuisine

Ok

I haven't weighed myself, again.  I've been bad, but I have been Vegan.  Just a fat vegan.  Today I ate:

breakfast:  cereal and almond milk
Snack:  small amount of pretzels and a little honey (i'm weird)
Lunch:  Salad (mixed greens, tomato, cucumber, avocado, olive oil), whole wheat pasta and vegetable margarine.
Snack:  green olives, some pretzels.
Dinner:  steamed vegetables, 6 fake "chicken" nuggets and honey.
Snack:  banana

and... still hungry :/

I will weigh tomorrow.  I won't like it.  I'm probably 165.  I hope not.  fuck.