Hi there,
I'm creating this blog in an attempt and keep myself on track with losing weight.  I'm 25 years old, 5'7 and I weigh 168 Ibs.  About two years ago, I was at 120.

I was kind of a chubby kid.  My comfort foods (what I ate about every day) from elementary up until 7th grade consisted mainly of nachos, pizza, cream of chicken/mushroom soup, grilled cheese sandwiches, mac and cheese, chicken mc nuggets, kid cuisines (with either the pizza or nuggets), and taco bell.  My mom would fix me an apple on the side, because she wanted to give me what I wanted but she thought I needed some fiber in my diet.

I wasn't too active, I would go swimming in the ocean a lot when I visited my grandparents in San Diego during the summers, and I was on a few swim teams (I would eat nachos before swim practice).  Other than that, though, I never wanted to hike or even take walks (I was the "lazy" one among my friends).

LEFT:  Me eating cream of chicken soup.  RIGHT:  Eatn a grilled cheese sandwich and more of that soup.

By the time I was in 7th grade, my weight...as well as other odd things about the way I looked... was beginning to become a social issue (it got so bad that I ended up being home-schooled).  My highest weight at this point was 145.  That might not sound too bad, but I tend to put a lot of weight on in my face, which makes me look fatter than I actually am.

Someone gave me a drug, called Dexedrine, to help me get going on losing weight, and to improve my self esteem.  My appetite was much different then, i don't know if it was due to this drug or just because I had never dieted before.  I was able to eat less.  I started to do this kick boxing video, called "kick butt."

 I went to San Diego that summer, and i know that i was about 140 Ibs at this point.  Grandma took me to Albersons grocery store and we talked to the lady there about what she recommended for weight loss.  We ended up buying a protein powder and flax seed oil.  She also must have mentioned potatoes, because Grandma turned to me and said that we can put a little butter or sour cream to make them taste better, and the lady working there said that "it is not about taste, its about nutrition."  Grandma did not agree with that statement.  But anyway...

I would eat cream of wheat with non fat milk for breakfast and some sweetener.  For lunch I had the protein shake that I had gotten ingredients for at the store:  frozen bananas, soy protein powder, flax seed oil, non fat milk, vanilla, and sweeteners.  I drank this just about every day for lunch that summer. And i would have "a little dinner."  Not to mention I went swimming in the ocean every day after lunch.  These days, if I tried to do that diet I think i would die of starvation....or just go crazy and eat everything in sight when i realized i will fail that diet.  But somehow I was able to do that back then.  I came back to school, 8th grade, after having lost 20 Ibs.  my friend from swimming said "look at you!  you went from this *wide arm gesture* to this! *vary narrow arm gesture.*  Everyone treated me differently. Even the hot girls came up to talk to me.  I felt so popular.

Left:  me in 8th grade

















In high school my weight fluctuated a little, but not that much.  I was about 127 for a very long time (which is why 27 is my favorite number now).
LEFT pic:  freshman year of high school.  Right pic:  Softmore year of high school

Junior year I met the love of my life, Josh, but our relationship as friends was very complicated.  I think I went into depression and got a little heavier.  He left my life that same year and I fell into a deep depression over the summer, as well as Senior year.  I fell into books, art, science, and the meaning of life during that time.  I became a strict vegetarian (for moral, not health reasons).   I got pretty skinny during that year, probably the thinnest I had ever been till that point.  I don't recall what I weighed, or what I ate.  I think It was a combination of being vegetarian and dating this guy, Zach, who would criticize my looks all the time.

Left:  beginning of junior Year.  Right:  end of Junior year.  Bottom:  beginning of senior year

Next two pics:  taken at the end of Senior Year

   

Pix taken later on...

So I'm dating Zach and I'm finally in college.  Unfortunately, Josh is still on my mind.  One night, while we were watching a movie, Josh calls me.  I recall going pee like over and over again (nerves).  I had never felt so many butterflys.

I ditched Zach, met up with Josh, and we shared our true love kiss.  After that, i couldn't eat anything for days.  my arms had goosebumps, I was just in love.  I got really skinny, down to about 112 or 115.  My parents tried to talk to me about how they thought i was anorexic (mom was anorexic when she was younger).

Again, Josh and I weren't working out, and I ended up finding someone else (lets call him "E").  I got into drinking and I gained some weight back, but not a lot. I was a vegetarian for 2 years, until I met another boyfriend, (lets call him "N") who i smoked a lot of pot with.  I became lazy, and very fat.  My weight shot up to 165 Ibs, the most I had ever weighed.  I was no longer a vegetarian; I just didn't care about that stuff anymore.  Then I dated someone else (lets call him "R"), who treated me terribly.

Pics later on with "E" after Josh and I parted ways:

              Next pics:  Starting to gain weight, with "N"

Next pics:  165 Ibs, with "R"

When I was in san diego, I decided it was time to make a change again.  My Grandma gave me some of my Aunt's weight watchers material.  I lost about a pound a day for a good amount of time. It took about 6 months before I got down to 120.  Here's what I ate:
breakfast:  oatmeal and fat free milk
Lunch:  whole wheat pasta, with spinach and marinara sauce
Dessert:  sliced strawberries with light whipped cream (which later turned into strawberries with lemon juice and splenda).
Snack:  100 cal smart pop.
Dinner:  frozen dinner like Lean cuisine or Smart Ones and a vegetable
Dessert: more strawberries
for exercise I would hike for an hour.

bottom two pics:  120 Ibs with Josh



Also, when I finally reached 120, I had been in a relationship with Josh for about 4 months.
NOW here is the turning point, at which I have still not recovered.  about 2 years ago, Josh had to move away to live with his parents in Atascadero (about 2 and a half hours away).  I decided that since he is going, that we should eat out a lot, and i could just do my diet when he left.  So I pigged out for about 2 weeks before he had to go.  I don't know why, I guess I loved it so much that instead of going back to my diet that I had worked so hard to achieve, I continued to eat too much.  My weight just went up and up.  I would try going back to dieting, but whenever I drank...i would get really hungry and/or starving the next day. So i would screw up my diet.  And I would go out and drink all the time.  So its like every week for 2 years i've been dieting and screwing it up.  I tried adkins, weight watchers, vegan, counting calories, etc.
What I've found is that I can't lose weight if i keep drinking.  And I can't stop drinking if i keep going out...i'm definitely a social alcoholic.

Today I weigh 168.  My highest weight has been 170.

Now Josh and I are planning a wedding in September of 2013.  That gives me plenty of time to look good in my wedding dress; but, since Ive been dieting and failing for 2 years, I think it is suitable that i should be feeling discouraged.  

So here is my blog.  Wish me luck :)  xoxo